I wish my penis had an off switch
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
smell my finger.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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