I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
