fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
two words: eviction party
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
