The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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