So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
