guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
