I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
