I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
