Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
