the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
