SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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