Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
