i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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