we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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