Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
