dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
