In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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