"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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