Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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