I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
