Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
