It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
