Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
