She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
