I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
