Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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