Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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