Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
