Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
