let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
