I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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