If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have fence marks all over my body
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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