don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She told me I should be a condom model.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
