I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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