please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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