We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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