i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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