dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You're like the curious george of whores
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
