he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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