So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
