you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
