the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
