we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
