He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
