U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it glows. i had to have it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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