I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
