If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
