i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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