so explain again why im purple
no
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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