I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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