new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
