it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
