I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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