how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
