As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
