Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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