Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And then he peed in my hair
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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