im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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