a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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