so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
