Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
