when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
