I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
