I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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