this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
