There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my shit smells like andre
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
