So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
