Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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