She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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