Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
