if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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