Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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