she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My sheets look like a crime scene.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
