Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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