I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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