Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
